George Carlin quotes

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?

Very Wise Advice from and for Kids

If your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?"don't answer him.
- Michael, 14

Never tell your mom her diet's not working. - Michael, 14

If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.- Naomi, 15